c u l8r, bitches

Well I'll be godamned: another link dump.

Time for the SuperFun links!!!!! No more boring "slow-joe" humdrum, it will excite me fresh!!!!!!!!

• Cats looking at cats looking at cats looking at cats... doesn't seem very edifying at first, but click through about 100 of the little fuckers and it'll all make sense. And then someone who walks up to your desk will be all like "what are you giggling at, let me see" and you'll be all like "uhhh, nothing... really, nothing".
  
  
• NASA continues to be awesome.
  
  
• I might like to think I can stencil, but I have nothing on the guy who did his name 10 feet tall on the ThamesLink viaduct. He also tags cattle.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• I'm a big fan of the Google Image Search, and this brings me great joy. Type in some words, it makes a photo montage. Try "goatse" and "prom". No actually, don't.
  
  
• When I was elementary school the DARE officer told us that if you
  played any heavy metal backwards, you'd hear Satanic messages. Apparently he wasn't kidding. What he failed to mention was that they also showed up in Japanese childrens' cartoon jingles as well. Creepy, and requires audio.
  
  
• Hitler disco. wtf, yes. but lol too. Requires audio.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Time for more GoAt-sHiT CrAZiNeSS!!! "THEY manipulate your nightly dreams, through symbols, archetypes, toons or comics, controlling and hypnotizing your behavior in these dreams. YOU KNOW IT."
  
  
• Animals on the Underground. What else can I say, this is wonderful.
  
  
• And........ wtf.
  

Have a good one, nucca.

I'm a sensitive artist

I am a sensitive artist.
Nobody understands me because I am so deep.



In my work I make allusions to books that nobody else has read
Music that nobody else has heard
And art that nobody else has seen.



I can't help it
Because I am so much more intelligent
And well-rounded
Than everyone who surrounds me.



I stopped watching tv when I was six months old
Because it was so boring and stupid



And started reading books
And going to recitals
And art galleries.



I don't go to recitals anymore
Because my hearing is too sensitive
And I don't go to art galleries anymore
Because there are people there
And I can't deal with people
Because they don't understand me.



I stay home
Reading books that are beneath me.



And working on my work
Which no one understands.



-----------------------------------------------------------


/thanks king missile

I'm the goddamn Easter Bunny

This week a very special teacher has roped me into basically lying to her 1st grade class and responding to the each of the letters they sent to the Easter Bunny. She gave me this job under the strict condition that I not write anything insulting/degrading/inflammatory, so I'm a bit at a loss for what to actually say. You see, if they had something interesting to say to the Easter Bunny I'd enjoy the ruse, but this...


{sigh}

Dear Katie,

you need to calm down learn to spell and vary your syntax. learn to spell.

Best wishes,
EB
----------------------------------------------------------------------



Dear Kasahn,

Funny. I don't recall ever playing with you, that means you're really creeping me out. Stop. You may as well abandon your imaginary friends now, they'll only leave you in the end anyway.

Best wishes,
EB

p.s. Your teacher tells me you have a problem with incontinence. Work on it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------



Dear Collin,

"Dear bunny, are you a duck." You're either remarkably tuned into the subtle ironies of the postmodern age or one dense son of a bitch. I'll bet money on the latter, but take heart and fake it til you make it, little man. I do like jelly beans. Inside the Easter eggs you will find cologne.

Best wishes,
EB
------------------------------------------------------------------



Dear Kaitlin,

Royal blue, competitive sailing, prosciutto, none of your goddamn business.

Best wishes,
EB
-------------------------------------------------------------------



Dear Alshareif,

What the fuc

Best wishes,
EB
--------------------------------------------------------------------

There are many, many more but I'm getting depressed just scanning them in. Happy Easter.

I see dead people.

Another saturday brought another road trip to Motley's Auction Co., the 2nd best junk store on the planet (see future post on "Shark Shoal Shanty"). Calling it a "store" is a bit misleading perhaps, more like "two quonset huts and a big prefab shed full of old crap". Their photo collection (more like "20 overflowing shoeboxes on a dusty shelf") seems to have been amassed from estate sales over a period of 50 years, so in one handful you have a fading tin type from the turn of the century while in the other you have a full-color snap of grandma getting drunk on the couch back in '89. History is thus thrown into a state of photographic confetti, and even the most mundane subjects, simply by virtue of being photographed, take on an air of importance. The one above, for example, comes from Medan, Indonesia, if the envelope in which it was found is any indication. Here are some of the others I came home with.


Also from Medan.



An infestation.



Old man Stuart and his dog Crowbar.



"And I told him that buying that damn dog made him look a tad effeminate, but did he listen? Of course not..."



She stole my heart away with those boots...



...but I'm left wondering what they're all doing on a roof, as well as what's going on in the back row. A pinched ass, perhaps?


Totally.


And finally, I'd like to introduce the Orsova. Dig the stamp (see future post, "Postage stamps from the Periphery").




A lot of resources on this one; sadly it seems she's dead now.

.

Nat's Occasional Link Dump

Again, whatever. Here's some links.

• I'm a sucker for the cultural inventory thing, here's a guy who's collected and scanned various airlines' [empty] sick bags. From a design standpoint it's actually quite cool.
  
  
• In retrospect I'm surprised I haven't posted this earlier. Whenever I feel down and hopeless and desperate and generally afraid, this cheers me up without fail. Once inside, click the "g" and then the pink dot. When she cries it's creepy. Requires sound.
  
  
• Some random good Flash.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• "Look across the Andes, into the Grand Canyon, over the Alps, or along the African Sahara." NASA is just plain awesome. Requires download.
  
  
• This isn't quite as brutal as the office micro-Claymore, but still effective. Especially the "slow clap."
  
  
• When I was six or seven I saw my first a-bomb footage, and it scared me more than tornadoes, which was a shitload of terror. From then on I would have nightmares about standing in my backyard looking about the trees towards the city, a huge orange mushroom cloud looming above me. Not every night, mind you, but this site still makes me shiver. This too.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• And this site is pretty sinister as well, not in a silly conspiracy-theory sort of way, but a no-really-i-looked-this-up-elsewhere-and-it's-true sort of way. The first two and "Mighty Oaks" are downright scary. Thanks Bush!! Kidding. Kinda.
  
  
• But of course, here's some fool claiming that there are alien "utensils" on the surface of Mars. Apparently he also thinks that outlining blurry photographs of rocks with a black pen in MS Paint will make this claim more convincing. See below.
  
  oh, i see it now.

• Finally, no one likes a camwhore. Certainly not these guys. Really, I have no idea who they are.
  

That's all for now. But remember kids,

Richmond, my Richmond

What do you do when you're bored on a Friday night in your hometown? Pose as a journalist, of course.

Once again we headed into the relatively mundane fray that is Richmond nightlife, this time setting our sights on Shockoe Bottom, the ass-shaking club district of greater metro area. After a brief discussion on whether to ask people about condoms or baseball, we settled on getting people to share their thoughts on Richmond as a distinctly "southern" city. Here's what we found.



Guy on Left: "No, I don't really think you can get away with calling Richmond 'southern'. Sure, the history's there, but you got a bunch of conservatives wanting to tear that shit down to make money, the liberals bitching about it, it's kinda weird like that."
Guy on Right: "I have no idea what's going on."
------------------------------------------------------------

"Hell YEAH we're Southern!!! My brother in Alabama thinks that's horseshit, but we got NASCAR. You boys ever heard uh that?? Haw haw! You bet yer ass, goddamnit. Hee-ya."
------------------------------------------------------------

"No. Well, not really. All the old money lives in the suburbs, out there it's pretty 'southern' I guess, leaving the city to the African Americans and the two-bit hipsters."
------------------------------------------------------------

"Oh my God I love this song."
------------------------------------------------------------

"I would say most definitely. Richmond's morally wholesome atmosphere is what brought our band Fallujah BBQ to play here in the first place."
-----------------------------------------------------------

I later fell in love with that girl. Special thanks to Furtive Squirrel Video for hosting the story.

nat gets nostalgic

here's to the quiet old men from the council estate, to the geezers playing the slot machines, to pretty Naomi and Scarredface Guy behind the counter, always ready with a raised eyebrow, reaching for the cheap taps.



i just deleted 3 long paragraphs about the history of the Unicorn and Nat, trust me they were interesting. i didn't end up working construction at Heathrow, the barmaid was nice, i now own a nice set of darts.



cheers to the Unicorn.